It’s morning. I open my eyes and my first look flows out the window. “…Sunny?” My inner voice is more begging than asking while I’m looking outside. And real life answers immediately: “Not today, baby”.
Well, at least is not raining. … “just a couple more minutes in bed…” I bargain with myself. Nothing wrong with that.
My morning blues…
The issue is my head with negative thoughts that I observe clearly. They are rushing into my system every single morning like a pack of angry barking dogs. Usually, I really like doggies. But these are nasty. Experts call them “automatic negative thoughts”. And they are quickly accompanied by unpleasant emotions. All this together, in its worst stage, can even lead to depression.
I am currently working on changing this pattern. It’s a slow long race, but it has its results. The positive thing is, that over the years I have found some tools which help me to detect when these little beasts are waking up and tools to keep them on a leash before they start to grow.
One of my favourites is movement.
The “inner wise one”…
And this is what I am gonna’ do now, on this grey overcast morning. I am getting up (the longer I stay in bed, the more I think). I wash my face. Get dressed. Put my headphones on with my favourite U2 songs and get my sneakers.
I can hear the complaints of my body (“I am tired!”) and my thoughts (“…why not skip it for today?!…”) and my emotions (“…NOOOOOOO, NOOOOOOO!!!“) … but I decide not to listen to them for now.
There is another voice inside, the calm one, the wise one, who is lovingly encouraging me to keep going. Let’s call it an intuition and I know that she is right. I step out of the door, I warm up my muscles quickly and ….
Run “it” out!
The first couple minutes is a real martyrdom. As it is each morning. I fully focus on maintaining a regular breath, the speed of my run so I do not get tired too early and I carefully observe my body while I look around.. The road leads to a forest, with currently sleeping trees under a cover of snow. There is a silence, but it is too early for me to listen to it. I still need some more support, so “…come on, Bono, give me one more track!”
After approx. 15 minutes I am getting into a flow. My steps become lighter, the breath is now automatically flowing according to my speed. … and my mind gave up! There is a silence. It seems like I won my early morning battle. From now on its gonna’ be better, I know it.
Breathing in the Silence
I feel a clear elevation of my mood as my body start pumping some happy hormones into my system. I know now is the time. I remove my earphones… and there it is:
a silent snowy forest… a cold winter air tickling my cheeks… silent mind… me… running… breathing… feeling satisfaction from each movement… feeling happy from simply being alive.
This is my meditation.
The last couple meters and I am back in front of my front door. Some stretching, a shower, coffee and get ready for work.
I am proud that I made it again this morning, I am patting myself on the shoulder. See ya’ tomorrow.
And is that the sun right there, just coming out from behind the clouds?